Here's a Bag So You Can Gag
by Titans R Us
Summary: After a thousand years of slow burn and mutual pining, Shiro and Pidge finally get together. Here are five disgustingly sappy moments of the rest of the team reacting to this event. Lance for one is absolutely offended and henceforth scarred forever. "According to every ancient Jane Austen movie, I may or may not have been forced to watch, this is INDECENT."


Pidge gets stressed when Shiro is captured.

 _"_ _You give him back right now, or I'll RIP EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU APART!"_

Very stressed.

Hunk reasons that it is still better than when _Pidge_ is taken. Pidge gets all vocal and screechy, but Shiro? Shiro goes quiet. Focused. And none of the other paladins really say much during those times because Shiro gets _scary_. At least with Pidge, she just screams what's on everybody else's mind.

 _"_ _And when I tear out your circuit boards, I'm gonna make you sing 'I'm a little teapot' for_ _ **hours**_ _, and then. MAYBE then, I'll turn you into scrap metal!"_

Well, most of the time.

Pidge lands in front of the base where Shiro's signal is the loudest. "Hunk, I've disabled their shields, but I need you to be _my personal wreaking ball_."

Hunk complies. There's no way he wants to get on Pidge's bad side when she's like this. So the base gets a free remodeling! With an attractive new lion shaped door and everything! Aren't they so generous?

He watches Pidge jump out of her lion, bayard blazing as she rushes through the opening. "You want me to come with?" Hunk offers.

"No," The comm echoes with electronic fizz as another drone bites the dust. "Just cover the door and watch out for the rest of our boys, okay?"

"Will do," Then Hunk has a thought and slyly suggest, "Hey, don't forget to share the deets when you save your knight in distress. I wanna hear how Shiro swooned in your arms for a kiss."

"It is traditional," mutters Pidge. "But what makes you think I'm the type _to kiss and tell?"_

"You're not…" He nails the Galra ship tailing Lance with Yellow's cannon. Smiles at Lance's cackle as swarms his next target. "But Shiro is."

* * *

Keith has this subtle thing with Pidge going on. They're lions in arms. The get- _stuff-_ done team. The "Wow, I'm going need me-time in 3.4 seconds now, thanks Lance" team.

They're good at covering for that escape route too. People in general can get…overwhelming. Not exactly in a bad way, but Keith understand the value of a good break away to recharge.

Pidge and Keith even proudly have a routine to train with each other. Well, it's more like mowing down droids together. Keith can't really teach Pidge his fighting style, their size and bayard differ too much, but he can be the background safety net as Pidge hones her skill set and slaughters one robot after the next. And then they switch places. It's fun.

That's the plan is when Keith hits the door to Pidge's hanger. But plans change. Especially when he sees the two paladins huddled in the dim lights together.

Pidge works from Shiro's lap, her legs over his folded ones as she types out a sequence on the transparent monitor. Shiro's cheek rests on the top of her head as he hunches over with his eyes closed. His arms loosely cage around Pidge and Keith swears that he almost sees drool coming out of that slack mouth.

No. freaking _._ way. _Is Shiro actually sleeping?_

Pidge eyes flash when she realizes another person is in the room but doesn't change her posture much. She waves a wrist splitting the monitor into two and sends one over to Keith.

[What do you need?] The words race across screen. [And could you type your answer? I don't want our Sleeping Beauty to wake up.]

Yeah, neither does Keith. Shiro needs all the zzzzzzzzz's he can get.

{Just wondering if you still wanted to do our weekly _break-a-droid-a-thon._ By the way, are you okay? Isn't he heavy?}

[Nah, he isn't really putting any of weight on me. I don't think he planned to doze off like this.]

{Yeah, I can see that with the drool in your hair.} Pidge glare is fierce and Keith amends his statement quickly. {Kidding, I'm just kidding. Rain check?}

She nods. [Rain check. Tomorrow?]

{Works for me. Want me to keep the gang out of here for a while?}

[Yes, please. To my despair, Lance's default settings are LOUD and SCREAMING]

Keith shakes from the comment, grateful that his laugh is silent. {True. Catch you later, Pidge.}

[Thanks. I owe you.] She gives him a soft smile and Keith turns to go.

From his peripheral vision he notices Shiro's eyes are _slightly_ cracked open. Just a bit. Mouth now closed with a look of utter lazy contentment on his face.

Keith shakes his head as the door slides behind him. Why anyone would fake sleeping is beyond him.

People in love are so weird.

* * *

Shiro appreciates the gesture, he truly does but if Coran doesn't stop talking Shiro is going to **eject** him into space.

"Is it really necessary for us to take shore leave here?"

"Why of course! The Crystalaris have one of the best collections in the universe. One can find all sorts of precious stones and items here for a reasonable price. Besides we are due for a stop to refuel the ship and her supplies. Shall I make arrangements to dock in the marketplace?"

Shiro strangles out a, "Coran, I don't think...this is the best time?"

"Habberdash! There's no time like the present and it is an incredibly popular place to buy what ever is required for engagement." Coran wiggles his impressive eyebrows.

Shiro barely stops himself from face-palming. And then he does it anyway.

"It's only been two months," he groans.

"Yet if you include the years of kinship and your lengthy period of estranged mutual pining, I would say that your courtship has carried out far too long!"

"And yet no one has asked for your opinion."

Coran bristles up like affronted animal, " _Well, my word…"_

"That was out of line, I'm sorry Coran." Shiro backtracks rapidly, "It's j-just. Well, what if _I'm_ not ready. I mean she could…" He let's the sentence hang there. Unfinished.

Coran narrows his eyes as if judging Shiro's sincerity.

"Shiro. Is there any possibility of having that type of intention towards our Pidge in the future?"

"Possibly, but-"

"I'm not finished." Shiro's jaw snaps shut at the uncharacteristic tone Coran uses. "Is there a chance that you could imagine pursuing that kind of bond with her?"

"…Yes."

"Then take it. _Prepare for it._ As if the events could unfold to be." Coran puts a hand on Shiro's shoulder and presses lightly. "Come down with me. There are a few places I know of that I believe you could truly value. Where one can find something well-designed, but understated. Elegant and yet practical."

"Jewelry isn't practical." Shiro mumbles, but he allows the Altean to gradually lead him away.

"You'd be surprised! But _trust me_ ," He gives an exaggerated wink. "I've done this for someone before."

"Oh, really." The phrase is stretched out. "For who?"

"King Alfor."

* * *

Allura has wanted this for some time. In fact one could say that she has _needed_ it.

"Please don't make this a thing, Allura."

"I am trying and yet unfortunately I find myself failing."

She claps her hands and the control screen to the replicator pops before her. Oh, to have a less formal relationship with one of her paladins, _with this paladin._ How she's _longed_ to when she discovered that she was not the only female on the ship.

Yet, Pidge and Allura are very different.

Their interests barely collide. A female communion is rare when Allura enjoys the pleasures of femininity while Pidge…well Pidge doesn't necessarily despise this sort of thing, but she doesn't necessarily _care_ for it either.

Therefore to have this opportunity is beyond a treat.

She must not waste it. "You _must_ tell me his colors so you two can coordinate properly!" Allura demands bringing up varieties of gowns that would suit the green paladin. Tonight the castle is hosting a banquet to celebrate a new alliance and she's determined to make Pidge _shine_.

"…a bit of purple." Pidge still isn't really looking at her or the screen. "And black, but you already know that."

She shows a piece that she feels would compliment Pidge's figure. "How about something like this?"

"Sure, whatever. It's fine. Anything is fine." Pidge gives a quick glance and waves a hand nonchalantly. "I don't really care."

Miffed, Allura decides to be a little cruel. Just so Pidge will _work_ with her instead of giving such vague input. "Or if you _prefer_ we could go with something that's more **dramatic**."

"ALLURA!" Pidge's eyes bulge at the saucy violet number on the screen. "B-but, but _skin!_ So much would show and Allura that's practically _see-through! You can't expect me to wear that!_ "

"Nonsense. Of course you can. Why I wear things like this _all the time_."

Pidge splutters incoherently.

Why this is too much fun. "Just _underneath_ my clothes of course."

Allura can't help but giggle at the way Pidge's face twists when she gets it, _"W-why you!"_

"I apologize, but having some kind of feedback would be most helpful. I for one actually do _care_ about your opinion."

Pidge sighs. "You're right, sorry I'll take this more seriously." Allura is helping her out after all. So she begins to flip through the screens contemplatively.

"However just so you're aware," Allura's voice dropping to a whisper, "Under your choice of dress…you could still wear **it** _._ "

The back of Pidge's neck goes pink.

Allura takes one last jab, her face stretching wide. "I'm quite certain your paladin would very much _appreciate_ the surprise."

Pidge _lobs_ a cushion from Allura's bed, nailing the princess in the nose. But nothing is regretted. Nothing at all.

* * *

Okay, okay. Lance has a revelation to share. An epiphany. Shiro and Pidge are the worst kind of couple.

They're not the overly passionate couple. Or the one you need to shove a bible between thanks to the overabundant PDA. Oh no, _they're worse._ They're the ones so sweet everyone in the vicinity _needs to throw up._

Or at least that's what Lance thinks. But take his words with a grain of salt.

It's like seeing your parents hook up. Like you know your folks are human beings with their own wants and desires, but it still gives you whiplash to see them act like, well, people. Sure _everyone_ had a crush on Shiro, you know? He's the dreamy, reliable and _freaking insanely unattainable_ type. Lance is surprised that Pidge went for that.

Actually. He shouldn't be. Pidge is has a record of getting what she wants one way or another.

Pidge wants the truth about Kerberos? Fine. Let's break into the Garrison and hack the headmaster's computer.

Pidge wants back in the Garrison? Fine. Pull a _Mulan_ and get into the program.

Pidge wants her brother and father back? Let's systematically _destroy_ every Galra Work Camp until she finds them.

By the way, Lance is extremely glad they finally retrieved her family. Pidge was a _vengeful goddess_ on the battlefield if there was even the smallest hint that those two were involved. It's so nice to have one less person passionately screaming in his ear in a fight. His hearing is even starting to make a rebound, score!

But yeah, Pidge wants to tap that? Then you know she's gonna score and wrap Shiro around her finger. Or is it the other way around? Huh.

Still he just wasn't ready for this, you know?

"Dude, they've been together for three and a half months now. Calm. Down. This shouldn't be new to you." Hunks sighs at Lance's eyes bugging out when Shiro takes Pidge's hand.

"But it's the first time they've touched each other… _in public!"_

Keith is trying to maintain a serious expression and is not succeeding. "And of course that sentence couldn't be taken the wrong way. Not at all."

The Banquet is going _smashing_ , or at least that's what Coran would say. The paladins are in formal wear and Pidge is wearing a dress for once. It's a flowy white thing that makes her seem to float with a dark purple ribbon in her hair. That totally matches the purple accents in Shiro's black suit. Gross.

"And he's _rubbing_ the back of her hand, and I feel like I need to be closing my eyes or something _but I can't_."

"Look, now he has both of her hands." Keith cheerfully points out.

"According to every ancient Jane Austen movie, I may or may not have been forced to watch, this is INDECENT."

Hunk can't help but tease, "Alright Lance, how many cups of nimvar have you had?"

"He's had four, I've been counting."

Lance sputters indignantly.

"Awww, good job Keith."

"Well…someone has to be there when he passes out. Help me carry him afterward? He's not heavy, but he's just kind of tall so it's awkward-"

 _"_ _Shut up, shut up, shut up._ Oh. My. Quinzak. _He isn't."_ Lance hisses, glaring at the pair.

Across the room, Pidge gives Shiro a raised eyebrow. "Takashi, you're going to give Lance a heart attack if you keep messing with him, you know," Pidge remarks as Shiro lifts her hands to his lips.

"Come on, let me have my fun." And then Shiro tenderly kisses her knuckles first on one hand, then the other. Lance spasms in the corner of their eyes, and they break down laughing over their interlocked fingers.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." But Shiro's bright gaze is completely unapologetic. The tips of his ears are red, but Pidge's cheeks are much, much worse.

"No you're not. You're absolutely horrible." She ducks her head a bit, biting a smile.

"You're right. What ever will your parents say when they know you're with such a horrible man?"

Pidge tries to swallow her sniggers. "They won't say anything. Just squeal ridiculously and incoherently for an hour, it's Matt you have to watch out for."

Shiro gives her a pout. _Is Shiro trying to fry her mind?_ Pidge had no idea he could do that. She suddenly feels very outclassed and needs a tick to process.

"I hadn't thought of that. Do you have any advice to win over your brother?" Shiro starts pulling her to one of the Castle's natural ledges that acts as a bench. Pidge has been standing for too long. The hallways are a little less lit than the open banquet room that Allura uses for diplomatic gatherings such as this. Just for his mild sadistic side, he still keeps them in plain sight for Lance and boys.

Pidge snorts. "You probably already have his favor. He might even have a new brother complex or two," Shiro subtly preens and she shoves him a little. "But he won't act like it, so be careful or he'll have enough blackmail material to make you grovel for a month."

"That's Matt." Shiro drawls wryly. "Any more ideas?"

"I'm sure I can think of a few," She plops down on the bench and gestures to her side, "Sit with me?"

"Always."

And it's that image, the two of them sitting almost head to head in the dark. The trace of moonlight on their faces as Lance realizes that _they haven't let go of their hands once_ that causes him to foam at the mouth until Keith calls it a night.

Shiro just smirks and leans closer so he can hear Katie better.

There's a heavy weight in his pocket. Tonight…Shiro thinks he is _ready_ tonight.

* * *

 **Notes:** If I have to produce my own fanware to make this ship float…I will. I've been wanting to write this for a while and man I cannot tell you how many times I screamed into my hands as I wrote each fluff-ridden line. It is ridiculous and glorious and I'm happy. And if you want more, just let me know. Oh...and for more information on how I would see this ship just message me.


End file.
